Forgetful me

I'm struck, at the core. I'm sitting here in the library neglecting to study for a quiz I have in an hour. Instead I’m choosing to put my thoughts somewhere. I just left an IAH class where we watched a film about Francis Bacon. It was hard to watch, very gruesome, morbid, sexual, and homosexual. Instead I sat there reading a book, avoiding the film.

My heart has been all over the place lately. I feel so lost, like I’ve been missing the big picture lately. I’ve come to realize that is exactly it. I have been missing the big picture. I’ve been asking a lot of the “why” questions lately.

“Why am I at school?”

“Why am I studying engineering?”

“Where do I fit into God’s plan?”

“What is God’s specific purpose in my life?”

I’ve come to realize that these questions, while good to ask, require a lot of faith. I don’t know why my life is the way it is, but I want to. I am frustrated with the mystery of it. I feel like a ball placed into space with nothing directing it or guiding it where to go. It dawned on me earlier. My purpose isn’t for myself. I’m not here for me. I’m not made for me and for all the good things that can happen to me. I am not made just to be a good person. I am not made to fill all the needs of a woman. I am made for Jesus, and only Him. I’ve missed that.

I’ve missed that He is my Lord, my King. I’ve been thinking about what that means lately. “Lord” is one of those Christian terms that are thrown around a lot, but do we really know what it means? At the core, I see it as placing Jesus as my number one priority. He must be my life. I forget that. I have made things, others, or myself my life… not God. How painful. My purpose is to live for Christ, with Christ, and guided by Christ. Except it is always about me. I am apart of an amazing story, the establishment of God’s Kingdom. I’ve been trying to establish my own. I pray that my heart is changed, that my desires become like Christ’s. I need the guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit. I’ve been trying on my own too often.

I’ve had an obstacle in front of me lately, trying to understand it, examining it, questioning its existence, and I’ve taken my eyes of Christ. I’ve been so focused on my self and the crap I’m in to the point that I’ve forgotten to follow Christ. God has been humbling me, and it’s funny because at Riverview we’ve been covering Philippians 2, which deals with humility.

“1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to you own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ…”

Wow, so you’re saying that I should care about others while considering them better than myself with an attitude like Christ? That is deep. Me? I’ve been focused on me, me, and me. It may not have been outwardly expressed, but in my heart exists this thorn of pride. I know this because I haven’t been comforted.

Pray for me that my heart would change for God. Jesus put it so clearly when He said “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

I have tried to create a new commandment. “Love yourself above all else.”

Jesus never said that.

Where's the heart?

Bright sunny day out this morning, people were pumped. The line was packed into Spartan Stadium by 7AM as I proudly sported my "Jesus Loves Tailgaters" shirt. Waiting in line for a couple hours helped me to understand what it felt like to be packed into extremely small spaces next to random people. I think I got to 2nd base with some random guys in line by accident... kinda freaky.

Then the ball was snapped. The points rolled in. The overtime happened. The loss struck. We are Michigan State football, we were ranked 11th in th nation, and managed to lose to Universiy of Michigan (our rivals). It was the first time since like the 1960's that State was ranked above Michigan going into the rival game, and we blew it.

My disappiontment actually didn't come from the players on the field. I thought they were fair in their play. I think it was their worst performance this year though. Anyways, my disappointed came from the fans of MSU. No emotion, no noise, just blanked stares as we waited for our mighty offense to make a play. When anything negative happened, the crowd shut down, tails between the legs and all. It was sad, no heart, just plenty of spartan fans screaming "Ass hole" to the U of M fans brave enough to watch within the spartan student section. Along with this chant came typical complaints of how much we hate U of M. Some energy was directed towards the field, but to be honest, nothing close to enough. We took the advantage out of home field advantage, by our lack of character and passion. I'm proud of what our Spartan Men have accomplished this year. They deserve our coarse voices, sore throats, and GO GREEN, GO WHITE! Ohio State is next on the plate. I hope our fans are behind this team that has beat the odds so far this year to jump from an unranked position into the top 25 for 3 weeks straight. Do you really know what it means to be a spartan? Set your beer down and think about that for a second.

If I was a cartoon...

New view

Yep, I'm a tool.

So... amazing night. I pretty much had the opportunity to share Christ with a friend tonight that I met a long time ago and have had limited contact with. It was great to pour Jesus' heart into this friend, to catch up on life, and to be real with each other. I was so amazed by their boldness, willingness to listen, and the desire to know who this Jesus guy is.

It was humbling really. God used me to speak deep truth into this person's heart. Why does God choose me for things like this? Jesus, do you really understand who Ryan Shannon is? Of course I know You do, but seriously... You shock me sometimes with your purpose for my life. It was an honor to be able to be a "tool" (haha haha... tool) for God and to be an impact in this person's life. Thank you.

I pray for this person and for this critical point in their life and for the things they have been dealing with lately. (If you haven't noticed, I'm keeping this person anonymous). I was amazed to see how God has been pursuing this friend by their past experiences in life. I am beginning to think they realized that God has caught up to them.

Jesus... amazing.

Search me oh God, and know my heart.
Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
~Psalm 139:23-24

Situation: Broke

Ah yes... how wonderful it was to have this amazing sermon at Riverview on Saturday about one of the most difficult, over used, and touchy subjects: money. I would have to say that I thought I was making good money decisions and I thought I had an understanding of my financial situation. Well, the situation is that I'm pretty stinking in debt. Like $60,000 stinking. Yep, broke. So, I kinda had to have a heart to heart with my Jesus about the situation, and He pretty much told me I eat out too much, and expect things will turn out financially.

R: "Hummmm.... so you're saying that my $30 bill at Red Lobster is out of my budget?"

J: "Yes, Ryan"

R: "But you do realize I plan on making good money when I graduate don't you Jesus?"

J: "Stop living above your means NOW. Be a good steward of your money... actually my money. Plus, have I told you to work right after graduation anyways?"

R: "Oh, yeah good call... you did bless me with a great family, a great school, a great country, and a great education that has enabled me to make money and live well off."

J: "To whom much is given, much is required."

R: "Jesus, you're so smart."

Grizzly Adams has left the building

I did it... It's gone... I cut off the beard. It managed to serve it's purpose by confirming in my heart that I can look 22. If you are distressed about the fact that I cut it off you can post your comment below. I will definitely bring it back to action for facial hair February. In the meantime, it's good 'ol baby face Ryan.

Next question: Should I cut off my hair sometime? Or should I keep it long? This decision obviously has to take some votes. If I cut off my hair it will take a long time to grow it back, but the thing is that I have job interviews coming up here sometime soon and I need to start to look "professional" you know? I'm a pro. What kind of a cut should I get? No, I will not do a mullet.

I've pretty much become a fan of Donald Miller. He is the author of Blue Like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What. He recently released a 3rd book which is a remake of his very first book he wrote. This title is called Through Painted Desserts. I was kind of a skeptic when crusade handed out copies of Blue Like Jazz at spring retreat last year, and I just held onto the book until the summer rolled around. I finished the book from cover to cover in 3 days on a trip in Connecticut. What impressed me the most about this book was Don's approach and his ability to relate and explain some complicated things in ways anybody can understand. He seriously wrote it from a view point of his life. He asks and answers questions that speak to people, not as a person that is this "super church leader" or a "very spiritual guy", but as I normal guy that looks at Jesus and desired to know more about Him and lives his life like Jesus would. I would just recommend reading it. Especially if you are a Christian that was raised in a church, or a person that is trying to seek out this Jesus thing. It will help raise some questions in your head, which God can then answer. Searching for God Knows What is a deeper read and I would suggest any growing Christian to check it out. I'm reading the 3rd one now. I'll blog about it later.

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. ~1 Corinthians 9:19, 22b

God loves you

Classes begin. So far so good. This semester I have the best schedule that I ever have had. I don't have any 8AM or 9:10AM classes. Also, I don't have any Friday classes. That is a double boo-yah. Sleep shouldn't be a big concern as it was last year, because last year I know I definitely had issues with going to bed at a decent hour. I am that type of person that hates going to bed, and at the same time hates waking up. The result is usually very late nights and then sleeping into later hours like 1:00 in the afternoon, or with 3 hours naps within the day. I'm really praying that won't happen this year. I must get my SLEEP. The next issue I am partially concerned about is the meal situation. I don't plan out my meals, so I tend to eat when I feel like I should eat. So my meals are inconsistent (not to mention unhealthy). Hopefully I can get some assistance in this area. I'm hoping I will cook more often. Maybe I should start making eggs in the morning. I have a soft spot for scrambled eggs (with ketchup). I'll have to tap into my mom's mind for options on the meals.

Ok, side note. So here at MSU we have the State News. It's not a bad paper, helps keep me informed about some info about what is going on in the world (even though it is mostly negative). So I come across this article in the state news: "Anti-gay group protests soldiers' funerals." If you grabbed a paper you'll find it in the Nation and World section towards the back of the paper. Pretty much one of the worst displays of "Christianity" I have ever seen. It was based out of Symyrna, Tenn. It says that members of a church say God is punishing U.S. soldiers for defending a country that harbors gays, and they brought their anti-gay message to the... get this... funerals on Saturday of two Tennessee soldiers that were killed in Iraq. The church members carried signs and shouted things such as "God hates fags" and "God hates you." I could not believe it.

Where in the bible or in the life of Christ does it say that or model that sort of activity? I am absolutely pissed. These people are so called "doing things for God" but in no way represent His Truth. God doesn't hate fags, He loves them. He loves them more than I love my parents, or more than any man loves his wife. He loves them so much that He had Jesus DIE for them, not punish them. Gays need Jesus just like you and I do. Hating them won't show them Jesus, loving them will. Do I think homosexuality is wrong? Yes. Do I think premarital sex is wrong? Yes. Why? Because it distorts what God has created it for. That's funny, because I know that I have been distorted from what I have been created for too. I have hated others, lied, been drunk, committed adultery, disrespect my parents, idled something before God, thought I was better than others, etc. I am not perfect. I have fallen short of God's glory. I am nothing, but because of Jesus I have become everything to Him. I love Him because He first loved me. I will mess up sometimes, but I am becoming like Jesus through the work of the Holy Spirit. Christians need to stop singling out the "bad" people and need to focus on Christ. We all are the bad people, but God makes us more than we can ever imagine if we choose to live a life not only for Him, but with Him.

I'm done babbling.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart. ~2 Timothy 2:22

Approaching my victory lap at State

Classes are right around the corner, but in the meantime I've been catching up with all of my friends here in EL. This past week has been pretty sweet to be honest. It's been my first time that I have been able to be at school for welcome week. I normally have had to work all the way up to the friday before classes started thus giving me only a couple days to get settled in/buy books/shower.

Moving in this year definately has been less stressful than in the past. Couple reasons why that is. First, I'm living in a house so I didn't have to carry all my crap up 3-4 levels of stairs. That was super sweet. Secondly, I am far enough off of campus to avoid large crowds. Yay, that was fun. I did give an extra hand helping to move the freshman onto campus though. That was good. It kinda shocked some people when we asked if they needed help and it was completely just to serve them. I've learned to really enjoy doin' those kind of things lately. I guess it kinda goes along the whole "becoming like Christ" thing. To be honest... I never was really a person to enjoy community service, but I guess you have to understand love first before you can really give it.

Well, I am 22 years old. I've attempted to compliment may age by coming back to school and managing to turn a few heads with my newly acquired facial hair. Yep, I have a beard. I was kind of surprised to see how well it came in.



People keep asking me why I decided to do it. I have two reasons. The first reason is because I ran out of razors with 2 weeks left of project and I didn't buy any. The second reason was to have something different coming back to school. I've actually been getting more positive feedback than I thought I would have about it. I guess that means that hairy men do have a chance....... someday I will be a hairy man. The Shannon family is.

Crusade gathering tonight at 547 place. I helped load some sound equipment into the place before-hand and WOW, it looked weird being empty. We aren't renting the place this year, so that is going to be a challenge for our movement. I've been really praying that God will provide some place or way for our movement to socialize after our Real Life meetings. 547 was perfect. It was big, freshman felt welcome, great location (walking distance), etc. But the cost was getting to be too much and we couldn't afford it. It's ok... I'm trusting God for this.

If you read this, have an awesome day; if not, have an awesome day.

The town so nice they named it twice

Welcome home. I'm back in Paw Paw with the family for a few days before heading back up to State. I have a lot of catching up to do consisting of bills, banking, financial aid, loans, packing, moving, etc. You know, all that stuff people hate doing? Unless of course your abnormal and actually like stuffing things in boxes or filling out paper work. If you are one of "those" people, good for you. You're more than welcome to come give me a hand.

I'm pretty anxious to see all of my friends back up at school. I didn't keep in contact over the summer very much, which I'm kinda glad about. Now we just have more to talk about and to catch up on.

I have some ideas for our Cru movement this year to really uniting the men. I really feel like this is something God has been laying in my heart to have a passion for. I love seeing God turning males into REAL men of God. I'm sick of how the men of our culture have been told to be passive about life. I mean passive in how they act towards doing what is right, and in their relationships with both God and others. Most men think they are being active in their life, but if this was true, our culture wouldn't be what it is now. I see males that go to work/class day in and day out seeking after the "almighty dollar" or that great career that will get them all of their dreams, but what about the people in life that are far more worth all the possessions in this world?

I heard the other day of a servey of Americans that asked the question, "What is the most important thing in your life?" Do you know what the answer was? Money. I couldn't believe it. Where is the passion? The battle? I'm sick of watching Satan steal the hearts of our culture. We are drowning. Jesus can heal this.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. ~Proverbs 3: 5,6

I'm in.

Blogging... it's become this "thing" that people do. For once this is something I am doing not because I tend to be one of those people to follow the crowd but because I actually want to. I want to because I feel the desire to throw some thoughts to the people that know me. This will allow me to be real with people about who I am and what is going on in my life.

Well, the reality of my situation right now is that I just got back from spending my summer in Wildwood, New Jersey on a Summer Project with Campus Crusade for Christ. It wasn't my normal summer of working at the GM plant in Wisconsin as an intern, but instead I spent a full and stretching summer serving Jesus and allowing Him to speak and change my heart. He did exactly that.

Ok, some of you might not know much about this area of my life.... and the truth is that I have been hiding it from some of you. I have been running around in classes, at home, around friends and family acting like somebody that I am not. The fact that I've been "acting" to be somebody that I know I am not has been slowly tearing my heart apart.

I've come to realize some things over the past year, most importantly is that Jesus desires me to know Him. He doesn't want me to know Him like I would say I know Tom Cruise. I know Tom Cruise only by what the world tells me about him. I'm not sitting next to him eating Taco Bell talking to him about what makes him laugh or worries him at night. Instead I have to deal with knowning Tom Cruise by how our culture wants to portray Tom. Jesus... in all His glory, is a totally different animal... He is loving, kind, patient, gracious, persistant... well He's perfect, because He is God. Our culture says something different about who God is and giving a false image of Him. It says that God is there only to help you in need, He helps the good and He punishes the Bad... blah blah blah... God is ALWAYS there, and if you look at what Jesus taught you'd discover that God desires that you come to KNOW Him. Know the Jesus that was crucified and is now alive. Knowning Jesus and truly walking with Him means sacrifice. Seeking to know His heart, and in turn allowing Him to transform yours to resemble His. It means love. What's the best part.... His love isn't anything we earn. He just stinking loves us, unconditionally. That means that His love is limitless and has no conditions (hence the word un-conditional). It has no conditions, it is unearned. How jawesome is that?! All we have to do is except this gift that he has given us... through FAITH, FAITH, FAITH in Jesus. Keyword: faith. God desires faith in Him. He wants us to trust, desire, seek, be patient, endure, and listen to Him even though we may not understand His will for us. He's already paid that penalty for our sins on the Cross, so stop trying to add to the perfect sacrifice. It can't happen, that's why it was perfect. That's why it was Jesus.

"For it is by Grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast." ~Ephesians 2:8,9