J-Unit

One week from today I got sick. I hate being sick, just like everybody else. The problem with my physical sicknesses is that they tend to leak into my spiritual life. If I'm physically sick, spiritually I tend to be sick. I pretty much layed on the couch for three or four days and did nothing, ignoring God each day. I felt pretty worthless, which in turn made me feel like my life overall was pretty worthless. This isn't very healthy. I then one day after feeling better decided that I've ignored God too long. I said to God, "God, I've been pretty selfish lately, and I know that you probably aren't too happy with me. I've missed you though and I need you now. I'm going to read your word today and I ask that you refresh me even though I pretty much don't deserve it." God answered my prayer, and then some.

I read John 17. If you are unfamiliar with John 17, it consists of Jesus longest recorded prayer that he had before he was arrested to be crucified and taken from his disciples. What I love so much about this prayer is it's theme. Jesus prays for their unity. He prays that they would be one just as Jesus is one with the father. He says this prayer for his disciples and for those who will believe in Jesus through their message. Listen to what he prays in verse 22 and 23...

"I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

Boom shakalaka. Lets repeat that... Jesus prays that we be unified... to be one in Christ. I believe this is the type of unity that Pauls talks about in 1 Corinthians 12 when he says that we are one body. We must care for each other, love each other, help each other... so that the WORLD may know Jesus. Our love for each other in Christ is a testimony to others. It is the Gospel. Where has this gone? What happened along the way to make our lives so independent of each other? If we live apart from each other, then we can't be unified. We don't love. Like in 1 Corinthians 13, without love I am only a resounding gone, I am nothing, and I gain nothing. Sounds like the church today.

So amidst all this unity stuff, and trying to fight past my tears because of how powerfully it spoke to me... I really began to wonder if I had this unity. God answered that too. Throughout the next few days God would place people in my life that edified me and encouraged me telling me how I have impacted their lives... and how that has impacted the lives of others. That meant more to me than any compliment on my personality. It was a compliment that said, because of who God has made you to be, God has used you to show his truth and Jesus to me... I finally get it. That lifted my heart... that made me cry. Thank you God for showing how much you love me.

NOLA

New Orleans was torn apart by hurricane Katrina last year, and I chose to go down to NOLA to help clean up the mess over break. It has been 6 months since the hurricane and there is so much destruction left to be taken care of that
it will probably be ten years until things return to normal. I went with 115 people that was organized by campus crusade for christ to an area of New Orleans called St. Bernard Parrish. St. Bernard Parrish was more of a middle class area that mainly was flooded up about 15 ft. There were many areas in New Orleans, like the 9th ward, that were completely destroyed, so that nothing could be salvaged. Since these areas require complete removal of debris and would take a long time for anybody ever to return to the area, instead we were sent to areas that could be salvaged were people could return to their homes. We were asked to completely gut homes down to their studs and frames. It was the dirtiest work I have ever had to do in my life. Black mold was everywhere in these homes, requiring special masks to prevent inhalation. We went into these homes destroying everything, and then pulling it out of the house and placing it on a debris pile by the curb.

It was worth the experience. It was worth leaving my life of comfort, organization, and the process of furthering my education to come down to a city torn apart by a natural unforeseen disaster to clean up a bit, and to love like Jesus. It was unnatural to be in a mode of destruction and disorder though. Garbage didn't have a place, so you would just throw it in the street. Stop lights didn't function, so instead temporary stop signs were placed to create some traffic order. Apparently it was quite common for people to ignore these signs and cause major accidents. Destroying things isn't always very natural either. Dual welding hammers and going to town on some kitchen tile definitely brought out some fury and fun in me.

Amidst this disorder there was some adventure. One day Jeff Blevin's, Dan Shontz, and I decided to do some exploring. You know, the kind of exploring when you were a kid that had no limits. It consisted of a search for 'gators, a walk through a toxic waste dump, visiting a revolutionary war battlefield and graveyard, a 100 ft memorial discovery, the mississippi river, barge jumping, throwing rocks up a water drainage pipe, and an attempt to break into a slave plantation mansion. Wow, how refreshing was that. It was refreshing to just hang out with men and be adventurous together. There was this sense of freedom that came with it. Freedom that consisted of no homework, no classes, no test, and no work. The only responsibility we had was watching out for each other, enjoying each other's company, and letting ourselves be free and adventurous. We succeeded, and in those moments I felt like God was smiling on our spirits.

BTW, I met some fantastic people. That tends to happen when you spend a week with people you don't know. What impressed me the most about these people? Amidst all the undesirable circumstances, I rarely heard anybody complain. That made the trip very pleasant. Thanks everybody.

Including God

I feel like the depth of our Christian sub-culture is best represented in our depth of most of our prayers. To me it seems like the most common prayer is for the health of others and for healing. How easily do we associate prayer requests with the health or healing of somebody? I'm not saying praying for these things are bad by any means. I just feel we have limited our prayers to the things that are seen... like the physical. Don’t we have other needs that Jesus wants to fill for us too? I was reading at Beaners today and I watched an older man come into the coffee shop. He walked with a very strong limp, the kind that looked like certain joints didn’t function like they’re supposed to. I wanted to pray for the man, which was surprising in itself, and I continued to do so. In the process I realized this… Wasn’t it true that everybody in that coffee shop needed some kind of healing? I looked around and imagined people that have been lied to, cheated on, physically abused, worked to death, and lonely; each requiring healing… each requiring Jesus. I prayed for that. I prayed for the fact that we hurt and cry and are broken so that Jesus can restore us.

Whatever happened to the heart of talking to Jesus? Whatever happened to bringing Jesus into all that we do in our lives? I sometimes have to pray for God to get me out of bed, and it's that dependence on Him I'm beginning to realize is necessary for real life. I hate being dependent. I'd rather be independent, but that's not how God designed it. We have needs. We depend on SOMETHING in EVERYTHING that we do.

Why do we stumble with our words in prayer because we hate looking stupid, not to God, but to others? I can't wait for the day when I can pray in front of others with humility. I would like to pray with the kind of humility that says "I suck at speaking to you God especially in front of others because I care too much about what they think of me." To be honest, I feel like I am horrible at prayer in public or even at prayer in general. I am always trying to develop prayer like a skill. I wonder how God feels about me trying to turn talking to Him into a matter of skill and talent. Isn't it funny how prayer is about talking to God, yet I try to turn it into a show about how spiritual I can be? Wow, I feel pretty darn foolish. What kind of BS am I trying to pull? God you’re bigger than me, so please remind me. If it requires a beating, I would be thankful, because I'd rather live a life fully dependant on you than selfishly for myself.

God, help me to include you in my life, especially in the areas of my life that my heart is holding back from.

Dive into subculture

Define Christian:

Those people that place Jesus emblems on their car, with the occasional "Jesus loves you" bumper sticker. They are the ones that pray together in huddles in public on the street corners. They have their Christian Music, TV, radio, coffee shops, "how-to" books, planners, journals, blogs, posters, websites, watches, and the endless amount of stuff that say "Jesus" on them. They place their favorite book in their facebook profile as "the Bible" (That's for you Joe). My personal favorite "Christians are those nice people" while other opinions can testify against even that. They have notes of scripture on their mirrors and above their bathroom toilets. They pray before their meals. They spend one day out of the week going into buildings where they all gather to sing songs and then listen to teaching for a half hour before shaking hands with friends and heading back home. Did I strike a nerve yet?

Among all this subculture I find a trend to label all that we do "Christian" and say that we are great with God, because of our boldness to throw a Christian blanket on ourselves. Underneath we are still a broken, whoring, selfish, and unloving group of people that need Christ. Christ still loves us, and only Christ can change that part of us. Stuff never will. Oh how I am super guilty of this.

Where is this community of people that love Jesus and love others? What ever happened to being in the world but not of the world? I feel like we have extracted ourselves completely from the reality that this world is broken and have placed ourselves into the false reality that if we completely submerge ourselves in Christian stuff that we are living like Christ wanted us to. But wasn't it Christ that was known as a friend of sinners? Wasn't he known for hanging out with the people that most Christians today would run away from? I think the reason that the church isn't growing anymore is that the church has failed (including myself) to become friends with and love the people of the world and has decided instead to hate them. People won't see Christ unless we show them who He is. Also, we won't shine Christ unless we realize that we are not God, but need Him and each other.

The Kingdom of Couches

Before I begin blogging about somethings after today I definately want to reference the book in which I have derived a lot of what I will talk about. This book is something that I highly recommend to individuals trying to understand some insight about biblical community. This book is called "The Kingdom of Couches" by Will Walker who is on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ at Texas. I would have to say it is quite a studly book. It's short, straight forward, and dipped in a pool of heart and knowledge. The book reads like a conversation in itself and flows really well.

Anyways, so lets get to the details. I'll probably try to Blog about all different kinds of things from this book, but I thought it would be a good idea to probably only blog about one thing at a time. I may just read this book two or three times in a row, because I feel that this true genuine community Will talks about speaks directly to where I am at. BTW, I want to give a shout out to Ann Maronik for referencing me to this book.

This is stated on the back of the book:

Along the way I discovered something I didn't expect: people. I realize that people are everywhere. My life began when I came out of a person, and since then, having never resided in Montana or in outer space, I've been immersed in humanity. This doesn't bother me in the least because I like people. I just never thought that I would need them.

We've been pretending, keeping others close enough to enjoy but distant enough to impress. The space between close and distant is the worst kind of loneliness, which is not that of being alone, but of being unknown.

We have been looking at redemption through the lens of individualism- manipulating it for our own gain. Somehow the focus became how much I am loved and forgiven and accepted, period. Somehow the process became one of isolated effort. Spiritual life has less and less to do with relationships, and is effectively disconnected from actual life altogether.

The thing about redemption though--the thing we've lost--is that it takes place in the context of community. God is not just redeeming persons, he is gathering himself a people. So community is both a means and an end. It's where we're going, and it's how we get there.

...and also on page 29 talking about community:

"Community" is a buzzword these days, and for good reason. But buzzwords tend to lose meaning or change meaning, and often community means just another activity, something on the to-do list of the Christian lifestyle. I knew what community was, and even experienced it, but I never believed I needed it until now. My journey in community over the last couple of years has transformed me in all the ways "self-help" never could.

Spirtual growth today is largely undertaken through self-help methods, which are characterized by our tendency to measure maturity by how much we do, how much we know, and how spiritual people think we are. The value we derive from such achievment is short-term at best, and it is ultimately undermined by the impression that one can accomplish spiritual maturity in isolation from other people. If we can grow on our own, even with God's help, then we have something to boast about before others. But if we need each other to grow, then our boasting is turned into humility. This is how community exposes our inadequacies and magnifies the power of the gospel as our only hope for personal and cultural transformation.

I love that. Woohoo! I'm excited for once.

Hear from me about this soon.

Struggling (or lack there of) with struggles

Slap in the face.

Punch in the gut.

Knife in the back.

Whatever you want to call it, I'm frustrated with somebody. This person continually fails me time and time again. I've watched him go completely against God's will countless times, and I'm really getting sick of it. I'm sick of the hippocracy, the lies, and the repeated failures.

This person is myself.

Well, that's where God's grace comes in, and I'm begining to realize how patient God is with me and how big his love is. BUT, I've also come to realize that step one is seeking after God's love, because just going through struggles just to become "better" is actually selfish at heart. I've stumble across this concept that I should live, do good, try my hardest, or whatever you want to call this function of life BECAUSE of God... because of what He has done, the love He has shown me, and that He calls me His son (1 John). I feel like I always try to present myself to God wrapped in my own false holiness and righteousness. Like I have to be purified by what I do all the time and call that "growth". I think that is where a lot of my frustrations are coming in. I'm still really trying to live under the law which is what Christ has set me free from and now I must live under grace (Romans 6).

I'm begining to find comfort in my humility, because it places me right where I should be, in Jesus' arms.

The right thing in the small things

Have you ever had a moment in your day cause you to stop and think about what just happened? I had one of those moments occur under an hour ago.

Almost every day I take the bus on campus, and about every day I take the bus home. The bus is a unique system in itself, and I have begun to realize that I might not be using my bus pass to its economic value of $45. A bus trip to campus and home is $1. For the 16 weeks of school I have to make 45 trips on campus and back home. I realize I have been using my bus pass less than 3 days out of the week... which equates to around $45. So... the reality is that I'm cutting it close to actually saving money by buying a bus pass.

Anyways, back to my initial plan of discussion. Unfortunately the bus stop on my return home is located at the intersection of Abbot and Lake Lansing Road, so I am forced to make an undesired trip the 1/4 mile to my house on Swart St. On this trip I am usually accompanied by individuals who live in Capstone Apartments. The Capstone group usually divides itself since some live north of me and others west of me. The division occurs at this one house. It's more like this old rental house, nothing special, just old. All of the "Capstonees" that live west of me use the method of "the shortest distance between two points is a straight line" and walk through the yard of this house. Now this yard has an obvious trail through it. It's a trail that would resemble something obvious like yellow snow as a result of something peeing in it. The effects are the same when you look at the trail; it's disgusting.

I observed something different today though. For the first time, I watched one guy walk out to the street that the house was on, go out of his way, and proceeded to NOT walk on the gross path through the yard.

Now I wonder, "Why?" I'm surprised at this young man's boldness. I noticed that this was accepted by every body. I mean, the path IS already there so why not just use it? BUT he didn't. He avoided it. He stood out. I bet he felt like he was doing the right thing by respecting the property of the person that lived there. It was a simple decision, do the right thing... even in the small stuff.

THAT is the small stuff, walking through somebody’s yard to save you time without their permission.

It's funny that I bring this up. Don't think that I am trying to be self righteous, because I walk through my neighbor's yard every morning to make it to the bus stop. It's more convicting than anything. BUT my difference is that I would have to dramatically walk out of my way (maybe 3 minutes) to make it to the bus stop. Humm.... but does that justify it? What is the maximum sacrifice that I have to make before I justify my actions? What is the cost?

Wait, didn’t Jesus stress out about dying on the cross? Wasn’t He burdened by the sacrifice He was about to make? But He willingly gave His life, because it was what had to be done.

Lesson application:
Do what is right in the small stuff, because that will reflect in your character in the large things.

Someday, I'll have to make decisions that could breach my integrity and character. How prepared am I to make those decisions? How prepared am I to make those decisions that nobody else will ever know about?

...What about God? Will I let Him make those decisions? Better yet, will I listen to what He is telling me to?

This whole growth thing is difficult. I have a long ways to go...

Lord I thank you for your patience, grace, and that you have promised your Holy Spirit to guide me in these situations. If you need to teach me more in this area, please do so. I have a feeling that character and integrity are kind of important.

And the inconsistent sleep pattern continues

Yay, I've been up since 6:30AM after falling asleep at 2:30AM. I can't sleep. I feel like a million things are going through my head. I'm sure most of you can relate (if not all). I've been faced with some challenges lately that have required action on my part. Yeah, there is no passive way out of them. Unfortunately, I can't get into specifics about some of them.

One thing that has been blowing my mind has been the whole graduation thing. I, Mr. Ryan Shannon, will be graduating in May. I have a nice job lined up, plenty of friendships behind me, a great relationship with God, and I'm still SCARED TO DEATH. Hello the "real world" here comes Ryan. I'm going to be hit with some struggles quick, fast, and in-a-hurry after graduation.

Primarily it will be my detachment from the relationships that have developed over these past years (that have been AMAZING), and that's where a lot of faith will be required. For somebody that tries to be "independent and set apart" I fear loneliness and lack of genuine relationships. Obviously, once I move, I'll have to pursue other people. I can't just sit back hoping great and amazing people will fall into my lap (I tried that in Wisconsin.... yeah those were some lonely months). Specifically, I will need to find a group of men that I can connect with. I need men to support me as a man. Without REAL men in my life, I hit the floor.

Then here comes another issue... am I going to be fed or will I feed others? What I mean by that is this: will I be constructive and positive to others around me or will I be somebody that drains life out of others (hence being "needy")? I'm kinda aiming for the positive approach. Oh Lord give me wisdom in that time of my life, and help me to live confidently with you.

Well, I guess since I can't sleep I'll do some reading. Oh by the way, if you're reading my blogs, thanks. I post these with the intention people will read them, and it means a lot to hear things from people that read stuff in my blog. That's a huge encouragement to me. Peace out.

DENIED

AHHH Blogger! I'm not happy with you! I just tried posting a long blog and it got deleted! I'll get YOU blogger!

Welcome me back to the planet Blogger.

So I apologize for not posting in umm.... let me see.... carry the 1.... over 2 months. I really don't have a great reason to tell you why it is that I haven't been posting. One reason was because I hit a point in my semester where I got quite lazy. It was sad, but more on that later. The second was because I have been gone over break a lot, so I really haven't been around much the past few weeks. Lastly, I just forgot about my blog. See... I'm not rebeling against blogger or anything, so now you can sit back, take a sigh of relief, and read along as I give you the ins and outs of what has been happening lately.

Well, the last time I posted I was talking about a lot of the why questions and how I've been so self focused along with what may future had in store for me. I began to dig in my heart for options for once I graduated. Unfortunately, any full time ministry is out of the question because I have too much student loan debt under my belt. BUT I don't won't that to hinder me from ever doing full time ministry, so one of my primary goals over the course of the next couple years is to eliminate that debt. So don't worry Campus Crusade, I may be back. Ohhhhhhh man, won't that be crazy.

One option that was laid on my heart was for me to consider joining the military, and preferably the Army... Ok, you can pick your jaw up from off of the floor now. "Unexpected" is how most people put it. So yeah, I thought about being a soldier. Not an easy thing to do. For one, I love my country (even though our culture needs some serious change). I am blessed with what I have been given. I never deal with persecution, starvation, being unable to pay the bills, and having somebody tell me where to be and where to go and how to do it all the time. I'm free, and I've benefitted from that. Unfortunetly, that freedom wasn't free. This is a way for me to give back by committing to service for a few years.
Secondly, I have had a pretty easy life. I have never faced tragic momments that were unexpected. My life hasn't been challenging enough, and well... dull. What I mean by dull is this: I've faced too many of the good times and the average times, but not too many of the stretching times and difficult times. Partly because I have been given much (and to whom much is required), and partly because I have not done anything. "But Ryan what about the great degree you got in Mechanical Engineering?" well my friends, that was great, but in the long run it will mostly benefit me, but not other people. Really, it's difficult to say if it was worth the time I put into it, when I missed out on investing my time into God and others.
Anyways, about the military thing. I discovered it wasn't the right route to go, because my heart was trying to find satisfaction in being a soldier, like I was being transformed into somebody great. Jesus only satisfies really, and I missed that. I would say that the military would place me into an atmosphere that would help me to grow, but it wouldn't fill my soul. Until I feel that I am aboslutely needed and agree with our purpose, I'll stay as a civilian fighting for Jesus.

So great issues were brought up when this whole military thing was. Why am I feeling unchallenged and bored? How can my relationship with God be refocused? Where is that BATTLE to fight? Ah, that good part of a man's heart that continually seeks a battle to fight. Well lets us see what the Good Book has to say about some of this....

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -Ephesians 6:10-12

Ohhhhhhh, so you mean we're struggling against the evil and the sin of this fallen and broken world, and not necessarily people that we don't agree with? Ahhhhh.... got it. Secondly...

"So I find this law at work: when I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." -Romans 7:21-23

Ah, so a battle wages war within me? Humm.... so how do I respond to that?

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us" -Romans 8:37
Context:
All these things = all things that attempt to separate us from the love of Christ, hence evil.
Him = Jesus Christ.

So you're saying I can more than conquer all evil through Jesus Christ? Well then... I guess Jesus is the answer. Big surprise, but how easily we do forget....

So with all this in mind, I've been given a challenge. What are my desires of my heart that are from Christ? What goals will point me in that direction? The reality in all of life is that Christ desires that we will know him on a very deep deep level and that he is the Lord of our life. That would be my first desire (I've already written all of these main desires down and the goals so I'll be brief). So what can I apply to help me to know Christ more? Well, text book answer... read my bible and pray. Not just read my bible, but savor my bible, study my bible, breath my bible, and live my bible. I shouldn't pray for what I want instead I should be praying for what God wants, for more understanding of God, for understanding His will, and for a desire to know him deeply. I have some accountability set up to help challenging me to run after God, because I can't tackle knowing God by myself.

Mainly the other desires are along the lines of staying healthy, building the body of Christ and strengthening it. A woman fits in there somewhere.... :) I'll blog about those later.

Oh by the way, I did decide what I was going to do after graduation. I have taken a job as a production engineer working for Toyota in Erlanger, Kentucky. It's just across the river from Cincinnati, Ohio. Again, I'll blog about that later. Ha, I feel like I just typed up a large report.

PUMP IT UP!